As a wedding planner, I felt prepared to handle the intricacies and complexities of planning my own wedding. While my years of experience in weddings certainly helped, I quickly discovered that being a planner and a bride is very different.
It was incredibly eye-opening, and my personal planning journey as a bride taught me several valuable lessons I'd like to share.
So, without further ado, here are six major things I learned while planning my own wedding:
1. Don't Worry About the Little Things
"Whatever can go wrong will go wrong." Ah, yes, good old Murphy's Law; the kryptonite to all Type A personalities. But truthfully going into your big day with this in mind will help you enjoy everything all the more.
For example, weather played a significant role in the planning of our wedding. After much deliberation, we decided to hold our wedding in my home state of Massachusetts during September—a notoriously beautiful month in the Berkshires. We chose an adorable bed and breakfast on top of Mt. Greylock, envisioning an outdoor ceremony against a backdrop of mountains, lakes, and the possibility of fall foliage. Unfortunately, the weather on our wedding day was far from ideal, with rain and thick fog persisting from morning until night.
Despite this setback, we made last minute preparations for the possibility of poor weather and ordered a few clear umbrellas through Amazon Prime. Although it was initially disappointing, we decided to embrace the situation and use it as a unique photo opportunity. In the end, we had to move the ceremony indoors, which only added to the cozy, hometown country inn atmosphere we desired. The resulting photographs, featuring the moody ambiance created by the rain and fog, were stunning (I mean some seriously moody vibes).
Other minor hiccups occurred along the way, including minor internal miscommunications from the venue, and discrepancies in the bar menu. However, there was nothing earth-shattering, and all issues led to quick resolutions.
When planning a wedding, even the most well-thought-out, detailed, and logistically sound plan cannot account for every unforeseen circumstance. The reality is that some things will be out of your control. As a Type A person myself, I understand how difficult it can be to accept this. But that's how life is, and wedding planning is no exception.
Embrace the unexpected. The best thing you can do is to mentally prepare to go with the flow once planning reaches a certain stage. Focus on the love and happiness surrounding you as you say, "I Do," and enjoy your day to the fullest.
2. Spend Money On the Things You Really Want
As a professional wedding planner, I am always conscious of budgets. Sticking to our budget and finding opportunities to save money were top priorities when planning. Early in the planning process, my partner and I discussed our needs, wants, and maybes to establish our budget priorities.
However, there were two instances where we unexpectedly chose to splurge, and in retrospect, we are grateful we did.
First, we initially decided to forgo a DJ since our micro wedding consisted only of family members who wouldn't spend time on the dancefloor. Instead, we considered using an iPhone playlist for both the ceremony and reception. After further thought, we realized we wanted something more special for our ceremony and ultimately hired a live musician. In addition to a touching ceremony, our guitarist played welcome music and occupied guests while we were off taking bride and groom portraits. Hiring a live musician provided a personal touch that our guests loved and helped elevate our intimate wedding.
The other element was our cake topper. I was ready to purchase this cute topper I found on Etsy. Simple but good enough, $30, that works. I showed my partner, and he was not into it - at all. I was surprised that a cake topper would matter so much to him, but it did. Instead, we commissioned an acquaintance to create a custom piece that reflected our shared love of Dungeons & Dragons (have I mentioned we're nerds?). And it was spectacular!
So ultimately, while our cake topper budget line gained a 0 (yup, $300), we now have an adorable keepsake that I'm obsessed with and didn't even realize I wanted. The cake topper resides on our bookcase and makes me smile whenever I look at it. Expensive? Sure. Worth it? Absolutely!
The lesson here is to prioritize and allocate your budget according to what matters most to you and your partner. In our case, we ended up making room for a few unexpected expenses because they significantly enhanced our wedding experience. It's essential to have a clear vision of what you want to splurge on and where you can save money, but also be willing to make adjustments along the way.
3. Keep an Open Mind with Dress Shopping
My approach to clothes shopping has always been if I don't instantly like it, I'm moving on. Conversely, my mom has always said, "things look different on the hanger, and you don't know until you try it on." Two very different perspectives. And back when we lived in the same state (and online shopping wasn't as prevalent), it drove me crazy to look for clothing together. It went from a couple of hours of shopping to blocking out your calendar because we'll be here all day. But I will say (as much as I hate to admit it…) she's not entirely wrong.
And I brought this concept with me while dress shopping. I wasn't sure what I wanted when it came to the dress, and I kept an open mind. Because of this I found some cute options that surprisingly complimented my body type. Past me would have just "poo-pooed" a lot of these styles at first glimpse.
I tried on this one dress, and walked away because it wasn’t what I had initially pictured for myself. It was a cut that I hadn't expected to like. However after debating with two other dresses in the mix, I circled back and realized that was THE dress. I just had to change my perspective a bit.
I found (and ultimately decided on) this dress because I looked past my first instinct. I saw a silhouette on the hanger that I didn't love but opted to try on regardless. The dress truly made me feel comfortable and confident, and my appreciation for the gown grew. I couldn't have been happier on my day in this dress.
The point of this is to stress that with dress shopping, keep an open mind. Don't be afraid to try on different styles, even those you may not initially be drawn to, because you never know.
4. Do NOT Try Doing Everything on Your Own
Omg, this one is a little of please "do as I say and not as I do." I constantly tell couples to hire a planner/coordinator or recruit help because you can't take everything on alone. (*Face Palm). Well, imagine what I did. I'm embarrassed even to write it, but you guessed it. I tried to do it all. And it drives me crazy because I knew better!
I know how non-stop and hectic things are behind the scenes. I'm there overseeing the chaos regularly for others. So what in the world possessed me to think I could handle everything from start to finish without help? The micro-manager in me, that's what. The idea that I knew what I wanted, so it was easier to do it than ask for help. The concept that I'm the only one to pull off my vision accurately. If I had just delegated, I would have saved myself from so many stressful moments or late nights. And the saddest part is that I had people asking if they could help.
So please, for the sake of your sanity: don't do what I did! Delegate and ask for help. Ask for help as soon as you start getting DIY projects rolling or as soon as you know what you're purchasing for decor. Get people involved early and discuss your needs with anyone willing to assist.
Delegating tasks can be challenging, especially when you're accustomed to doing everything yourself. However, it's crucial to remember that the people around you are capable, supportive, and invested in making your day perfect. Trusting your “team” frees up time and energy for you to focus on more important aspects, such as enjoying the process and building a strong foundation for your future marriage.
Thankfully once my wedding day started, I had an instant and quick shift in attitude that allowed me to enjoy things. I knew I had done the groundwork; I made things look great on paper, communicated as much as humanly possible, and built a strong foundation. I had to relinquish control despite it going against every impulse I had. Because the truth was, once the festivities began, I knew I couldn't be both planner and bride. And while I wish I had come to this realization much earlier, better late than never.
5. Take a Moment
This is another aspect of planning that I warn couples about; your day will feel like a blur. When building timelines for couples, I often pad it with regroup "private moments" so they can take a few minutes here and there just to be present and breathe. Where they can enjoy and absorb all the positivity around them.
But wow, being in the bridal seat, it's an intense first-hand experience. Once our photographer showed up on site, it felt like a whirlwind. I auto-piloted through it, but in a good, “I don’t need to worry about anything,” kind of way. However, I had to actively remind myself to take a moment here and there. After the Cocktail Hour photos, we took 5 minutes to walk around outside before rejoining everyone. With speeches, they had my full attention. I'd linger a bit with any bathroom breaks to watch family seated at the table laughing and chatting away.
Find those moments. Enjoy them. It will go by in a flash, so embrace the occasional minutes you have to just absorb and reflect.
6. Do It Your Way
When should you follow wedding etiquette, and when is it time to diverge from expectations and focus on what's right for you? Which suggestions and opinions do you follow, and which do you disregard? How important is sticking with tradition?
This realization wasn't so surprising as I witness clients struggle with it regularly. But it’s worth mentioning having recently experienced it first-hand.
As a professional planner, I think most of our family members thought we would have an elaborate, all-out-styled wedding. But when my (now) husband and I sat down to talk about how we envisioned everything, that's just not what we saw for ourselves.
We wanted a small intimate gathering with immediate family only - a warm, inviting ambiance filled with good food and delicious sweets (so many sweets). We also didn't want the "traditional" wedding reception - no grand entrance, bouquet toss, open dance, or parent dances. We just wanted to be in the company of family that we rarely get time with. We wanted a wedding where we could sit and chat while listening to music and overindulging.
So, explaining our vision and desire for a Minimony was confusing and unexpected to some of them. We were left fielding questions about decor choices (such as renting our florals) or wanting explanations on the omission of many typical timeline activities, and even a few periodic attempts to expand our guest list. We knew these comments, questions, and suggestions stemmed from a good place. The family was incredibly excited, and it was all out of love. But we also knew when to give a little and when to insist that we had things covered how we wanted.
Ultimately, everyone (every. single. person.) commented on how they loved the small intimate setting where we could connect, relax and enjoy. They loved the food, the cake (and numerous sweets), and the decor. Several people mentioned that it was "perfect," and it was; it was "perfect" for us.
Despite the hiccups and the stress of orchestrating such a momentous day - our wedding was precisely what we had hoped for. And now, I'm married to my best friend! Huzzah!
All of This to Say…
As you embark on your own wedding planning journey, remember that each experience is unique and will bring its own set of challenges and rewards. Embrace the process and enjoy every moment, because in the end, it’s the love and commitment that you and your partner share that truly matters.
I hope these insights prove helpful as you navigate the exciting, emotional, and rewarding world of wedding planning. Happy planning and congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!
What are some things you're learning as you plan? Comment below!
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